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[01 Dec 2004|12:26am] |
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uhhhhh right. well, one could say i had an interesting evening.
found out i was right about something concerning this journal and who reads it... not that i really care, i think it was for the best. it really made it possible to talk honestly. the person how that is referring to knows what i am saying. and i am sure that everyone else knows too.
andi i now know what its like to live in a LJ-drama filled life. with people who don't even know me reading this and gossiping about me behind my back (yeah hi, what are we, 9 years old?) and just its really too much of a hassle. THIS LJ IS NO MORE. this is THE last entry.
i considered writing something clever or funny to reveal that i know about all of you who pathetically gossip about my life. but i think this will suffice: GET A LIFE. you know who you are. i do too.
it's a shame, really. now all my real friends are gonna have to make LJ accounts so that they can stay updated. that means you molly, ingrid, weeze, etc. cuz my new LJ is gonna be strictly friends-only. meaning if you're not on my friends list, you don't get the option to incessantly talk about me behind my back. shoot. looks like you're gonna need a new hobby.
if you're already on my friends list, no worries. i will most likely add you to the new one too. i'll try to comment and let you know once i have a new name.
all in all, i've had the worst night ever. and the best night ever. i can't explain it. and i don't have to. God bless & all to you people, i'm not mad, merely extremely annoyed at you. but i'll get over it. but not right now. so get your own life stop reading about mine alright kthx.
http://www.livejournal.com/~18___jenny/
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[29 Nov 2004|10:58pm] |
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i had a horrible weekend.
and i haven't really talked about this or how i feel about this. i haven't slept. i hate the dark now. all i see is images replaying in my head. i am terrified of the night. i had to take a sleeping pill last night to finally get to sleep. i didn't sleep at all this weekend until it got light out.
it didn't start out too bad. friday i had to work (day after thanksgiving, what is up with that?) and then that night i went to brandon's hockey game with ingrid and eric. then we went to clayton's (who is home from the army for a few days) to watch a movie. ingrid & i were so tired (we were the only ones who actually worked that day) we slept through the entire movie, Elf. which we really wanted to see. by the time it was over it was 3:03 AM. i was wicked tired and ready for bed. so we headed home. brandon & i and then eric & ingrid were behind us.
so we are about 10 minutes into the drive, it's about 3:30 AM at this point. and i see headlights on the side of the road. kinda in the woods. it didnt look right. there was another truck in front of us, and eric & ingrid behind us. it just seemed off. the truck in front of us pulled over and turned around and i told brandon to do the same thing (he hadnt seen it). so we go back, and a truck had gone off the road. it's headlights were still on. a red ford truck, older model. eric had told us he was calling 911 and then drove off with ingrid. and there was another mustang that had pulled over too (this is like major traffic for 3:30 AM in rural NH, interesting.) bleh i am shaking just telling this story so one dude has a flashlight and we go over to the truck and there is someone in it, lying down. the door was jammed from hitting something so we couldnt open it. so one guy ripped the door off. the guy inside was unconscious. it was sooo eerie. he had very sporadic breathing and barely had a pulse.
bad news. this other guy there who i knew cuz he lives in town, mitchell, was on the phone w/911. they told us not to take him out of the truck. he stopped breathing. i didnt know what to do. i knew CPR.... but i wasnt confident enough with my skills. i couldnt step us. i wish i had of. i called ingrid, who had just taken the CPR class, and told her to come back because the guy was unconscious and not breathing. so she shows up, and we pray. its not looking good. the whole time i was wondering where the hell the ambulance was, it seriously took forever. mitchell kept asking if we should take him out of the truck, cuz we were trying to give CPR with the guy lying in the truck. which is pretty impossible cuz every time you do a chest compression, he would just sink down into the cushion, ya know? then the guy trying to give CPR was breathing too hard and it went into the guys stomach so the unconscious guy vomited. which made some of the people at the scene sick, cuz it was the most horrible stench, probably ever.
basically, we knew this guy was dying. and we could do nothing.
it was horrible. the first person to arrive was a cop, and that like 20 minutes til anyone showed. i mean yeah it is rural NH and it happened in sharon where there isnt even a police department so we had to wait for a jaffrey cop. but it took so long. took even longer for an ambulance to arrive. we knew it wasnt good. we knew he wasnt making it.
it was just so horrible. like so eerie. i cannot erase the image of walking up to the truck, it was deathly quiet. and we had no idea what we'd find.
the ambulance got there. and the guy was dead by then i think. though he wasnt offically pronounced dead til 4:50 AM. but he didnt seem like he had any life to him. his chest wasnt rising. he was blue. we had to stick around and be interviewed by the cops and such. when the ambulance people took the guy from the truck to do CPR they laid him like 3 feet from brandons truck. so i had a horrific view after i had climbed back into to try to stop shaking.
and i wasnt even upset then. but when i got home. i couldnt shut my eyes. i couldnt shut out the images. i kept thinking if we had done things differently, he would've lived. and i still think we might have been able to save him. even brandon said that if he could do it over he would've handled it differently. for one, we wouldnt of listened to the stupid 911 operator. we wouldve taken the dude out of the truck to give him CPR on a hard surface like the road. he needed it. but we were just all so scared we did what we were told.
and i know it sounds ridiculous but i am seriously waiting for this guys ghost to haunt me because i didnt help as much as i could. i just stood there.
oh how I hate the night now.
pray for me??
http://www.nashuatelegraph.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20041128/NEWS01/111280118&SearchID=73191475444739
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[25 Nov 2004|12:09pm] |
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HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!
i'm thankful for... God. my family. my friends. my job. coffee. warm weather today (its almost 70! we've had a foot of snow on thanksgiving before. i'll take this weather kthnx.).
haven't updated in awhile. not much to tell. i haven't seen jesse at all. though he lives about a mile away. i like it like that. i can pretend this whole him being back thing isnt real. or that he doesn't exist, because thats what he does to me. i shouldn't even be thinking about him anymore. and no i don't want to get back with him it's not like that. there is too much he has done to me that i just couldnt forget. something's wrong with my mind. it won't stop thinking of him. damn head.
in other boy news... brandon & i are... i don't know. i don't know if he is serious about us or not. it's just... we never have like deep conversations or talk about anything of importance. its just all about fun. which is great, most of the time. but i wonder if i am just wasting my time. i can't tell how much he likes me or if he just likes hanging out with me because he can make out and stuff with me. i kinda said something to him after i left his house last night through a text. cuz he asked if i was mad at him. and i told him i just didnt know if he actually liked me. And he said "Oh. I like you... we will talk more tomorrow if you want. OK? Goodnight Jen =)" and i told him to forget i said anything. obviously i didnt mean that. but we havent talked any more about it.
i don't know what to do. big surprise there.
anyways, hung out w/the girls last night too. we went out to eat then to ingrids and drew secret santa names. i'd tell you who i have but coriann reads this and she is in that group who drew names. then ingrid and i went to brandon & erics. and watched My Girl. i fell asleep. we ended up leaving at like a little past 2. i talked to their 15 year old brother for awhile cuz he told their mom that i drink, which i don't. so i said something to him but he is a pretty cool kid after you get talking to him.
yeah i am not real happy right now. i hate boys. i hate letting them get to me like i am now. i have a bad feeling about this brandon thing. like its going nowhere. and that i'm an idiot. i sure would like to know.
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[21 Nov 2004|11:24am] |
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yeah hi. my weekend has been alright. larissa (jesse's little sister) is up from south carolina, so i hung out with her on friday night. we went to the 99 for some food then to the mall, then tried to stalk jeremy because she's in love with him. we were unsuccessful, thank goodness. poor jeremy.
saturday brandon came over at like 1, and we went and got some breakfast from the coffee shop and then went to his house and watched Star Wars Episode V with his little brothers. it was cute, they kept asking me questions about it and brandon kept telling them to be quiet. they're adorable. i thin they're ages 7 and 9.
ingrid is kinda seeing brandons brother eric still. it works out great. perfect double-date.
last night was a pretty late one, we went to eat and then rented the wedding singer and episode VI for star wars, but we only watched the wedding singer. then we just talked and stuff and ended up getting in at like 4. and i got up at 11 today! miraculous. i didnt wanna but i knew if i didnt i wouldnt sleep well tonight. i am so responsible. ick.
oh and i dont know if i trust brandon. like, i don't mean i think he is lying to me or anything. i just dont know if i trust his intentions. he is hard to read. i dont even really know what i mean by that. i dont even have any reason to think him untrustworthy. at all. its just something i'm making up. he was telling me last night that i don't trust people and i am scared of my "feelings". and it kinda made me think. because maybe it is true. i just... eh. i've always been like that, and i let my guard down with jesse. and i got screwed over bad with that. (speaking of which, i havent even seen him since he moved back up. brandon, however, did. he saw him at pizza haven and SAT DOWN with him and talked to him for awhile. but not about me, ha).
eh, i gotta go pay bills.
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[12 Nov 2004|06:24pm] |
so... jesse is back. and i just found out he is living in town. weird. even before, when we were dating, he lived 25 minutes away. now he lives less than a mile away. and i didn't even know. i just got off the phone w/mandie (his cousin, the girl i always hang out with) and she told me.
like, this is the smallest town ever. i am so going to run into him. and its going to suck. i don't know why this is still getting to me. i have a great guy. and i don't even think i'd WANT to have jesse instead. its just... old habits (and feelings) die hard. i don't know, its just really weird to have him so close. i sent him a text last night. he never responded.
he went out to dinner w/jeremy last night and i was texting jeremy during it and jesse asked "who's that?" and jeremy told him "guess" and he couldn't, so he said "your ex" and jesse asked "why is she texting you?" and jeremy said he was jealous. and yet he won't even answer my text. gayness. part of me is hurt over it, but the other part is just like SCREW YOU why do i put up this his shit. he is being a jerk.
anyways, got tons of mail today. my stuff from american eagle came (i am currently sporting a new sweatshirt) and a letter from my prisoner pen pal, onterio. he is really cool. and i got a thinger from molly, and stuffff. yay!! so that made me happy.
and ohhhh it is SNOWING out. its ridiculous. its not even thanksgiving and there is snow! i have my snow tires on my car now. they cost me a lot!!! but i needed them, so yeah whatever. ick ick snow.
brandons hockey game got cancelled so we are gonna do something else w/ingrid, katy, and eric. maybe got eat something small and then go back and watch a movie @ the house katy is housesitting. which is on the same road jesse lives on. woo hoo.
brandon was supposed to be here at six. its 6:36. he won't be here til 7, he said now. i bet it will be after 7:15 cuz he takes forever to pick out his clothes. he is worse than i am. eh. i am grumpy. over this whole jesse mess.
i wish it would just go away already.
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[09 Nov 2004|09:30pm] |
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i still don't have my car back =( after driving my dad's truck around for 2 days, i know i definitely want to get a car. trucks are totally hot. for a guy. for me? a nervous wreck disaster. i am so paranoid i am going to hit something and its way harder to maneuver than my little corolla. come on dude put those tires on faster!
so anyways. i just talked to brandon on the phone, because he asked me to call. and he's like "oh my and kenny (his cousin) are just driving by your house now" ok you cannot just drive by my house. its a private, dead-end road. if you drive by, the only place you could possibly be going is the neighbors. and here i am sitting in my ducky pajama pants that i am even embarassed to wear in front of my parents and my hair is all wet and a mess from my shower, no makeup, and a dirty sweatshirt (with no bra might i add) and i was like "you are not coming here. i'll kill you. i want come out! i will stay in the house and when my dad asks who is here i will say i don't know and tell him to go check!" and so then he is like "well we are just about there..." and sure enough i look out the window and see headlights coming up the road. brat.
so at lightning fast speed i bolted up the stairs and changed into some jeans and tried to comb through my hair with my fingers (unsuccessfully) and tried to stay in the dark when i talk to them cuz kenny wasnt sure if he had met me and wanted to know, thats why they came. but sure enough, he turns on every light in his pimped-out xm-radioed heated-seated truck (what is with it these young boys in nice trucks?! maybe it was the company truck or something) and ughhh i was trying to hide. ick ick. uncomfortableness.
so yeah. i chilled out in the truck for awhile cuz i was shoeless and it is literally 19 degrees out. and now here i am.
ooh ooh me, ingrid, mo, brandon, eric (brandon's older brother, he's 22) are all going to panera on thursday night! its going to be super fun yay i can't wait. 1) i havent been to panera in forever 2) i miss my girls 3) we're bringing 2 boys and a hot truck. what could be better?
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[07 Nov 2004|01:04pm] |
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i haven't updated in awhile.
jesse is moving back on wednesday. wednesday. i am still just... shocked. its going to earth-quakingly terrifying to see him again. and infinitely weird. i know we aren't getting back together. i have already decided for myself that even if he was up for that, i'd be a no-go. though i would want to. i mean, its not going to happen, but, it's good i already made my mind up about it.
things with brandon are going... well. he's hard to read. and it worries me. i just can't shake the feeling that in the end i am going to get screwed over. but i know i only think that cuz thats the only thing that has ever happened to me in a relationship. but i think that's a pretty good reason. i'm trying to distance myself emotionally. it's not working.
i went to brandon's hockey game last night w/ingrid. it was really fun hanging out with her again, we are gonna do it more often. brandon and eric (brandons brother, he's 22) invited themselves along as well. eric has a crush on ingrid. but then again who doesn't? she is so oblivious to it all.
i'm really tired today. i am hoping to just veg out at home and work out. but i am so dead tired and i cant go get a coffee cuz i have a flat tire (bummer) so i am having to drive my dads truck to work for the next few days til i get new tires. gayness. thats some more money that will suck to be spent, but i guess it needed to be done.
2 more weekends and me + my mom are going to go to autofair car shopping for me. yay. i'm going to get a car. good gas mileage, front wheel drive, and i'll put some studded snow tires on it. i've narrowed it down to either a honda civic, a toyota corolla, or a brand-new ford focus (hey they are actually decent, the 05 models are actually pretty nice) so... we'll see.
i'm tired. i need to go catch up on reading LJs. i havent done that in a long time.
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[31 Oct 2004|06:36pm] |
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so everything is pretty good here. i don't have much to complain about. i don't despise my place of work as much. they offered recompensation in the form of 8 extra vacation hours for that holiday they didn't pay me for. and i was out on tuesday, so basically, i am getting paid for that sick day.
brandon & i are good. i don't know where this is going and i don't dare think about it...
we are going sock shopping tonight. because i like new socks.
he had to go to buffalo this weekend for a hockey game. they were supposed to play 2, but one of the kids from his team threw his hockey stick at a fan who was talking trash and a fight started so they just came home today instead of playing. boys are silly.
i have decided i am going to send out christmas cards this year. i'm going to get some new pictures done, so i can send a picture of myself along with them. so if you want one, leave your address unless i already have it... and even if i do, leave it anyways. ho ho ho.
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[25 Oct 2004|05:07pm] |
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i was so happy coriann told me to update this, i've been looking for an excuse to do so. see, nothing exciting happens in my life and i don't always feel like boring you all with the mundane details of my mediocre life. now i have an excuse.
so let's see. i had a really icky week at work last week. i don't crack often, and last friday, i just... did. i started crying my eyes out. at work. in front of my boss. at first actually i got so mad i walked away while my boss was talking to me. thats bad. so then she came to find me and i was in the bathroom trying to non-chalantly pretend i was like, blowing my nose or something when really i was trying wicked hard to will myself not to cry. i was good until she came and made me go in her office. the thing was, i feel like i keep getting screwed over with my check by them. they didnt pay for the holiday (Columbus day) even though they told me i would. so then they try telling me that ohh they messed up they didn't mean to say that i would get paid for it, cuz you have to be there for 4 full weeks before the holiday benefits kick in. i was ONE DAY short. i had been really depending on that money, cuz of all my other money getting stolen and stuff and blah blah blah so i just started crying and once i started, i was getting so frustrated for crying that it got worse. man it sucked. they asked if i wanted to go home. oh yeah, thats really what i wanted -- to go and NOT get paid some more.
but it is fine now, i guess. what can i do? nothing. fockers. i felt pretty stupid. thank goodness it was a friday. so then that night i cant even remember what i did. oh brandon and i went on a date. i think to the longhorn. who knows. then saturday brandon came over for awhile cuz i didnt feel like going anywhere, i said i was too tired. so he brought me coffee. he knew just how i like it too (medium french vanilla, one and one) and we watched some family guy and friends then he went to his hockey game. then mandie came over and we went to the hockey game, then to eat after, then brandon and i ended up staying up til like 4:15 in the morning. so i skipped church the next day, got up at noon, and he wanted to know if i wanted to go truck shopping with him. i kinda didn't, cuz he said he wasnt even gonna buy anything and he was just looking but i said fine whatever. we went to manchester. and it was kinda fun, it was kinda chilly out. then we were leaving the dealership (it is HUGE -- for those of you in NH - its autofair. huge freakin place) and he sees a truck and falls in love. he bought it. it was really expensive. but probably the sexiest thing i have ever seen. don't tell anyone! he told me not to tell anyone. cuz we're picking it up wednesday (i have to drive it home! cuz his car is a standard transmission so he has to drive that and iiiiii have to drive the truck i am so scared) and he wants to surprise everyone cuz he didnt tell anyone he bought it. i got a picture...
i got that from the dealership website, its the exact one.
ok i will finish later, gotta go
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[15 Oct 2004|05:13pm] |
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friday. thank goodness.
i was so awake this morning, it was weird. popped right out of bed with a smile on my face and got ready and off to work singing songs in the car. it was odd, for me. haaa. my good mood went away, cuz i ended up being really tired. go figure. but when i was still on my top-of-the-world mood, i texted jesse. i havent even attempted to talk to him in over a month. because usually when i tried, he would ignore my texts or respond like a day later with a one word answer. but i said:
"Hi jesse how are you?"
and he wrote back
"Good how about you"
i was surprised to even get that much back from him. we even had a little bit of a conversation. which is miraculous. i asked how he liked south carolina. he said it was ok but...
IS PROBABLY MOVING BACK IN THE SPRING.
i think i nearly had a heart attack. i don't know how i feel about that. in a way, i'm psyched. cuz it's jesse and in spite of everything i love him, even if not in the same way anymore (or maybe i do i don't know). but then on the other hand, if he is around and i can't have him it will make things miserable for me to have to see him all the time and it will make it impossible for me to have any other relationship.
i don't know. it was nice to talk to him again though. i am glad i never ended up saying all those mean things i wanted to.
in the meantime... brandon is coming over.
i've been talking to jeremy a lot. he is such a cool guy. sooo funny. we have this "competition" every day, who ever contacts the other person first loses. yeah we are like 2nd graders. but its funny. when we're both online we wait 10 minutes before someone finally says "fine you win. hi". and here is jeremy (with jesse, on the right)
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[09 Oct 2004|09:09pm] |
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man i'm just... tired. when brandon got home from his hockey game last night we went to eat and he ended up keeping me up late. we watched american pie (he had never seen it, i had forgotten how insanely inappropriate it is). oh i found out my brother wrote some more checks out for himself from my account.
so i had to go to the bank this morning and close out my account (yeah all fifteen dollars of it) and make a new one. and then go to the police station to file a report. i didnt really wanna, but the only way the bank can reimburse you is if you file a report. so... bleh. nick has put me in a sucky position. i don't know if i am doing the right thing. i still have some of the forms to fill out and bring back up to the police, so they won't file it until i do. not sure if i will...
so coriann came over today which was awesome i hadnt seen her in forever. we had a good time. brandon came over too. and we all watched some friends. then bryan (from PR) IM'd me and coriann being the random person she is, pretending to be me, went on and on about how i was playing the banjo so i couldnt chat lol man it went on a long time and bryan didnt believe her/me, so he called but she had downloaded some banjo music and played it for him. man it was funny. guess you had to be there...
anyways, i took a few photos today...
coriann talking to bryan. my wallpaper on my computer is The Notebook!
brandon's neck. yeah he was trying to kiss me and so i was trying to photograph the evidence but my aim is waaaay off. but on the bright side, he has a nice neck.
police forms to fill out...
oldnavy.com is evil... they make me spend money! i went on a little shopping spree... and ooh there's my new phone too.
and then i went outside for no reason and took a picture of the leaves like i was one of those annoying old people who stop in the middle of the road to look at leaves! AGHHHH. but yeah winter is coming. bummer. do i live in the boonies or what?! little dirt road and everything. and poorly neglected garden. quite thriving in the summer, dead now.
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[08 Oct 2004|02:52pm] |
holy shit.
i have FIFTEEN DOLLARS in my bank account.
i am going to kill my brother. no, not really. but i cant believe he would do that to me.
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[06 Oct 2004|05:54pm] |
just thought i'd share...
i'm voting for bush.
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[03 Oct 2004|04:06pm] |
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i'm doing nothing right now and its great. i forgot how much fun nothing can be. its my complete relaxation time. i felt like i had been doing stuff all weekend and hadnt had any time to just chill out alone so i went to church this morning, then went to lunch with the gang and came home rather than watching the football game (patriots vs bills -- um go patriots? i dont understand football). and its nice.
so let's see... friday night i went to brandons hockey game. there are a lot of people i know there, lots of kids from around here go. its cool. so anyways, mandie and i got there late, cuz she thought the game started at 9 rather than 8 so she didnt call me back until past 8. but we only missed the first period. the sabercats were losing, so that was a bummer. but there were a lot of fights that game. like by the third period,4-6 players got kicked out for fighting. then near the beginning of third period another one broke out which turned into a bench-clearing brawl. the other team forfeited because all their players left the bench to join in the fight. geesh. boys. i admit it was kinda cool, but kinda scary! i mean there were jerseys, sticks, gloves, helmets... everything, all of the ice. brandon was a good boy and stayed on the bench. oh, and their coach wouldnt let any of their players leave the bench. so he didnt really have a choice.
so i hung out after the game with the gang waiting for brandon to come out of the locker room. all the girls bombarded him telling him "good game" and talking to him about the fight and stuff. right. i am so not jealous. actually i wasn't that bad. yay for me. so brandon and i went and got some food then a bunch of people we knew showed up so i made them come sit with us and we all had a good time.
saturday i slept til past one. i havent done that in forever. it was nice. got up, and felt so lazy so i just sat around and brandon came over at four and we watched some friends and then decided to go to the movies but we got there 10 minutes late and i have this thing i hate going into movies late, especially if it is a crowded night so we went to eat instead.
nothing too exciting going on. i like work. i'm not even dreading going back tomorrow. i just hope i get enough sleep.
oh yeah my brother, nick, has cleared out one of my parents savings accounts. like, a couple thousand dollars. he stole it. and who knows where he is now. he is an idiot. my dad is um, pissed. i think they might go to the police. not that it would help any, he already had a court date in january for stealing a couple thousand dollars from this other guy.... maybe jail would be good for him.
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[27 Sep 2004|04:11pm] |
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i am going to go give blood in a wee bit. i'm kinda nervous. cuz the first time i did it, i passed out cold. totally blacked out. the other 2 times, i felt like i was going to. and last time they forgot to loosen the blood pressure cuff after taking my BP and my whole arm turned purple and everyone stared, it was mortifying. so why do i do this to myself? well i think of it kinda like this. Think about how much blood Jesus gave to save lives. I can give a pint of mine to save lives.
God be with me, lol.
So yeahhhhhhhhhh thanks to a certain hockey player *cough*brandonseppala*cough* that i will not mention, we were goofing off last night and i said something about me never having a hickey before. so he thought he would be funny (i think that was his excuse) to see if i could get one. so he tried but after like 2 seconds he stopped and i was like "oh yeah that definitely didn't leave a mark" and it was dark so he couldnt see so he said it didnt either.
so i get in the house last night (thank goodness my parents were in bed already) and i have the darkest mark EVER in a place that is IMPOSSIBLE to conceal. omg. some 65 year old lady at work said something tome about it and all the ladies in my department were making fun of me. i was mortified. my face must've been the same shade as my hickey. the old one was like "in my day we covered ours up with scarves!" so i wore a sweatshirt all day (which didn't even cover the stupid thing) and it was SO hot and it sucked lol. i am gonna kill brandon.
who, incidentally, is coming with me to give blood. which is kinda cute. i've always wanted a guy to come give blood with me, but i never could get one to go. he is a first time donor... lets see how he handles it. its kinda not fair though cuz he has HUGE VEINS that POP OUT OF HIS BODY and mine are hard to find. we'll see. i'll let you guys know how it goes... if i haven't blacked out...
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[26 Sep 2004|12:20pm] |
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well at first i thought my weekend was gonna suck. i did nothing friday night, i sat home. there just simply was nothing to do. i should've gone up to keene to visit caitlin, but by the time she suggested it, it was too late. so i said i would go saturday. saturday i got up and went to the post office to ship some stuff and then went to lunch with brandon at the longhorn and then we went mini golf (he beat me, as always) then i went home so i could go up to keene. then i got home and caitlin was sick, so i wasn't gonna go. so i texted brandon and had him come back and we hung out and watched friends and stuff before his game. then he left and i was left to find something to do.
it looked like i might be just staying home then mandie called and i convinced her to go the game with me so i went and got her and off we went. it was really fun. we had some good talks about boys and God and all the embarassing things we've had happen to us together, it was fun. ronny was there he wanted to go to brian regan with us when we go so that was cool. anyone else wanna go? its in november 21st, sunday at 6PM. there are actually friday and saturday shows but friday might be hard to get to cuz everyone works that day and saturday brandon has a hockey game... i'll see what day works best for people. besides, sunday is the cheapest. $22.50. The other days are $25-26.
sooo anyways the hockey game was really fun, i had a good time. then us spectators hung out afterwards then pauli came up from behind and scared me, it was good to see him again. and then brandon and i went to eat, though once i got there i wasnt hungry anymore. so we ate at applebees, and it was pretty late it was almost 12:30 by the time we were finished byt we still decided to watch a movie and i had dirty dancing havana nights at my house that i hadnt watched yet so we watched that. and then it was bed time.
and now i am doing nothing. had tentative plans to go to keene, but caitlin isnt online i think she went out last night so who knows if she is back. hmmmm. oh well =/
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[23 Sep 2004|11:16pm] |
i feel like smashing something. i have no idea why. i am just pissed off. and really annoyed. i think i'm stressed out.
oh yeah and my brother is back in the psychiatric hospital. he called my mom at like midnight last night and he was pretty messed up. he is definitely crazy. like, literally. too much stuff to say, if you ask i might tell you but yeah, the sheriff had to come and handcuff him and transport him to the hospital and now he hates my mom too for making him go to the hospital.
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[22 Sep 2004|09:20pm] |
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so i got all my cool new cds yesterday that i ordered. casting crowns, dashboard confessional, wow worship, matchbox twenty (the new one, my copy was SO scratched i got a new one), maroon 5, and brad paisley. they're all good. i also finally got my roxy quiksilver coat i ordered. but it was worth the wait, its adorable. but yeah i am done shopping.... for now. at least until i get a paycheck. no no i want to save for my truck. let's see if i can find a picture of the truck i want..no wait;... am going to get...
that's pretty much it right there. man that is one hot truck. i love it. i can't get a big truck or else i'll kill myself, i'd crash it. so its perfect. lovvvvvvve it.
so anyways, had the most bizarre (in a good way) conversation last night with shylo. not that you know him but yeah we havent ever really gotten along in a long time and then suddenly... i dunno. in just one night we were able to see the REAL person in each other. totally weird. but totally good.
work was ok today. i was dragging a bit. tiredness. or maybe i am getting bored. i can't tell.
i want my truck. yayaaa
oh so ok, also. i've come to a conclusion about jesse. and its not good. it actually sucks quite bad. and i am going to try very hard to forgive him. but i think i am going to tell him how i feel first. about what i am about to say. i think he was using me. no not for like a piece or anything. but because he was lonely. and he really wanted a girlfriend. then he met me, and so he used me for company and "something to do" (OK folks, not literally). he even made himself believe his "emotions" were real. i'm here to tell you they weren't. he realized that in the end. and i wasn't pretending. so that really sucks.
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[22 Sep 2004|04:40pm] |
don't think i don't know you read this. (don't worry not referring to you shylo, lol.)
i think i just figured it out. but i finally did.
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[18 Sep 2004|05:42pm] |
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my brother thinks he is God. literally. he has been ... unwell ... for probably about 7 years now. (he is 26) and he lives alone but he is on social security and stuff and my parents manage his money for him. so he wanted some more money, more than he needed for rent and bills and normal spending money and such, so he came over and he is not doing well at all. i sat here with the door open, minding my own business while he flipped out over his money. he was trying to convince everyone that he was doing really well, and thats why he is not taking his meds. and my parents said he wasnt and he said "why because i know i'm God?" and he kept saying it. and it was really sad. i am just really worried. he won't go to the hospital for an evaluation, he refuses because he's "fine" and ended up storming out.
well i've finished my first week of work. it was very nice to sleep in this morning!! i got up at like 9:30 anyways which is the earliest that i've ever voluntarily been up. i went to the post office, the bank, and got a coffee. work isnt so bad. i don't mind it too much. i need to save my money. i want to get a truck in a month or two. i want a 2001 or newer black Ford Ranger XLT extended cab with 4WD. those things ain't cheap, but i'll get it.
i have a terrible cold. i sound like a man. i am coughing up a lung and my nose is all red from having to blow it so much. it sucks! see what work does to ya!? but i think i am hanging out w/brandon tonight anyways. i warned him i was sick, but he doesnt care. besides i stayed home last night so it will be nice to do somethin tonight.
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